I Am, I Think
by PlatinumViola
Summary: AU. Zach is an aspiring musician, recently signed on to do a record. Zach is member of boyband 1D, looking for some love. Cammie is a gf who can't deal with the press. Cammie is a sensation - singer and actress. Four lives. Two people. What's real?


**Major warnings: This fic is AU, I repeat, this fic is AU. Basically, there are GG references, but don't let that fool you. **

**I don't like long Author Notes, especially at the beginning of a fic, but if you're confused after reading this - my long Author Note might be worth a try:**

**Half of this is a hallucination; Cammie daydreams that she's dating Zach, member of One Direction (for some reason, I feel like this would be IC of Cammie, although why I'm concerned about Cammie being IC when writing an AU fic, I have no idea), because she's unhappy with her current relationship with Zach, her musician boyfriend, who recently got signed to do a record. Cammie displays resentment over the fact that she can't handle the fame that comes with dating a rising superstar, even to the point of breaking up with Zach. However, underneath her feelings, Cammie does kind of wish that she was dating someone that big - hence the daydreams. Major internal conflict.**_  
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**_I Am, I Think_  
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_I smile at him across the table. He was seriously attracted to me. Who wouldn't be? I was America's golden girl; and we were on a slightly even playing field now. Ever since I'd went over the collaborating arrangements to record a couple songs with his band, and agreed that I'd love to have him open my concert in London, our faces have been all over the tabloids. _

_We had started hanging out more often at my beach house, and even we couldn't deny the tension between us. So when I strode into Logan's premiere for Perks of Being a Wallflower with Zach's hand in mine, dating rumours had gone viral. I felt special – no, exclusive – that I had a chance to know the other side to him. _

_ "I'm paying," I whisper._

_ He stares at me, his eyes sparkling. "No, I am. I asked you out, Cam."_

_ "But I have more money. I've been in the biz for longer."_

_ "So? One dinner isn't going to make me poor."_

_ "Exactly. One dinner isn't going to exhaust my wealth, either."_

_ "Are you bragging about how rich you are?"_

_ "Maybe. You're poor compared to me," I tease._

_ "Yeah, well. I haven't starred in five movies and counting, a hit TV series, released two platinum albums and model my own designer clothing line. I sing, Cammie. And I split my money with four other guys."_

_ I giggle softly. "I think poor guys are hot, actually."_

_ "What? Okay, then I guess I'm poor."_

"You mean you didn't do it?"

"No – I had a major CoveOps test over the weekend, but I'll get it done tonight."

"Seriously, Macey. I've got to hand that project in."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry."

I slip my folder into my bag and head down the hall toward my next class. I nod my head to Bruno Mars' voice, my pace matching the song's beat almost immediately. I was dreading the next class, so I decide to take another lap before I start walking to the door. As usual, this class has unbelievable awkwardness. I take the seat that I used to love – which now drives me close to insanity.

"Hey," the boy next to me says stiffly.

"Hey."

Gosh, it feels like the air pressure just multiplied. I know that some people are still sneaking glances at the two of us, wondering if we'll break up – or, more likely, eager to tell the person next to them about their speculations on our strained relationship. _It_, whatever it was, wasn't working out so well between us. I didn't know what to say. Seriously, it wouldn't have been a big deal, other than the fact that we had gone out for four years – without break-ups and make-ups.

Ever since he'd started playing more gigs than before, and actually gotten himself _signed_, well, things hadn't been the same. Zach shouldn't even be next to me any longer. He should be off somewhere writing depressing heartbreak songs, but since it was the spring of our grad year, he figured he'd finish high school off.

He clears his throat. "So, Cammie. Are you busy tonight?"

I make a big deal of thinking about it – even though we know each other's life schedules – at least, _used to_, and shake my head. "No, why?"

"Do you want to go out for dinner at Minho's?"

I shrug. "Why not?"

_"I like that dress, Cammie."_

_ "Perfect for a summer day. Anyway, what do you want to do today? I was thinking it would be nice if we wrote a song. I've got an album to write for, and I want at least half of them to be co-written with others."_

_ "Sounds fun," he says into his glass of lemonade, and I swat a lump of his reckless, curly hair to the side._

_ "I can't wait for our tour this fall. I mean, you know it's going to be crazy. I want to see touring from a One Direction perspective."_

_ "Really? Let's see what you say after one concert. After you get tampons launched at you, and have girls taking their bras off and using them as missiles. Seriously, I never get it. Why would they throw stuff at us? They're supposed to like us, right?"_

_ I can't suppress my grin. "Yeah, hence aforementioned actions."_

_ "You know you're not making sense."_

_ "They like you, so they give you presents."_

_ "I've had some pretty cheap girlfriends, but tampons? What, they just woke up one day and decided they were too lazy to buy a present? So they were like, 'Hey, I've got some tampons. In fact, I've got plenty. I'll give him these!'"_

_ I laugh out loud. "You're being stupid. At least you haven't suffered from concussions par water bottle."_

_ "Justin Bieber. Niall loves him; he's like his idol next to Michael Buble."_

_ "Mmmm..."_

_ "Are you listening? It's only my amazing voice talking to you right now."_

_ "Are you getting cocky? Keep yourself grounded, boy. You're not exactly that amazing of a singer either."_

"So, the usual?"

"I guess. We never order anything else, Zach," I say, attempting a joke.

He doesn't laugh.

"Yeah, I really like the lemon chicken here."

He nods. "Same. So, uh, how's cheerleading?"

"I dropped out a month ago."

"Right, sorry, Cammie." He rubs his hand against his forehead wearily. "I forgot. I've got a lot on my mind."

"Yeah, I figured," I say, trying not to sound sarcastic. "Being a pop singer must be really taxing."

He meets my eyes for a second, trying to decide whether or not I'm being sincere. He knows me well. Too well. "Cammie, it doesn't have to change. _We_ don't have to change. Fame doesn't change who I am – only how people react to me."

He's found me out anyway. "Exactly why most of them end up trying to cut their ear off with an umbrella or die of an overdose. You won't change – you'll just go crazy."

"I can handle it, Cammie. I'm just fine—"

"—Yeah, because we can still sit here at Minho's without rabid fangirls trying to rip your clothes off. Who knows, maybe a month from now, you're going to be surrounded by so much security I won't even be able to hold your hand, because I just might bomb you. Let's see how you handle stuff then."

His gaze is steely, but his eyes watery just the same. It's a weird look on him, and I can't recall a moment when he'd ever looked at me that way before. Then again, a lot of firsts have been happening lately. "We talked about this. Those summer nights, remember? When I told you how my biggest dream was to make it in the music industry. You told me you'd stay by my side."

"Yeah, if I can actually stand by your side without having to deal with death threats. Cross that, I'll stay by your side if you actually wanted me there. I can't—I can't compete, Zach. What, you want to thrust me into the spotlight? You want me to stand next to Selena Gomez at premieres? Meet all your future celebrity besties?"

"I'm sorry, Cammie. Remember, you told me that you wouldn't mind dating me, even if I got my break. It doesn't have to change. I still care about you. I'm sorry that you're making me choose between you and my dream. It's an awful decision."

"Zach, I'm not making you choose. I'm just saying I can't deal. I don't want people taking pictures of me volunteering at camp this summer. Celebrity life is for you. It isn't for me. If you can handle it, you say you can handle it, I can't. If it isn't you, it's going to be me trying to cut my ear off with an umbrella."

_"Isn't it crazy, when you think about it? I don't think I fully let it sink in. The fame. Everything. Like, if I actually thought about where I am right now, even when I try, I stop, because my brain can't process. You're bigger than I am, Cam. How do you deal?"_

_ "I don't know. Same thing, I guess. I still see myself as what I was before. I still try to live my old life in between my other things to do. When it's an off-day for me, you won't find me with any makeup on. You won't find me in heels. You'll find me in beat-up sneakers and shorts."_

_ "Yeah... Anyway, how do you like the chorus? I'm thinking you should add a sweet little bridge right before it. A two-liner or something. Hm?"_

_ "Isn't that like, signature Zach Goode?" I can't help rolling my eyes. "Kelly says you insisted on a two-line bridge before the Tell Me A Lie chorus. She said it was her song, and wouldn't budge."_

_ "Kelly Clarkson?"_

_ "Yeah. Didn't she write it?"_

_ "Yeah."_

_ "So why were you telling her off on her song?"_

_ "Because she said we could co-write! Besides Cam, it was going into our album."_

_ "Everyone's sick of the bridge-slash-chorus, Zach. It gets repeated too many times."_

_ "Fine, fine. What's your favourite song in our album, anyway?"_

_ "I don't know. Torn."_

_ "That isn't even in our album, Cammie. Quit being a pain."_

_ "Quit being a flirt."_

_ "I am not flirting with you!"_

_ "Yeah, you are."_

"Remember when you used to tease me about flirting with you, Cammie?"

"What about it?"

"I don't know. It's novelty hasn't worn off. I don't want us to end. Think about it, okay?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"No, don't make up your mind already. Think about it."

"I will."

"Again, Cammie, we don't have to stop dating just because I'm supposedly this big thing now. Think about it – you can be dating, _dating_ a pop singer."

_ "Zach, I already am."_

"I think."

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**This fic is purely experimental; I'd love to hear how I did writing dreamy, disconnected characters. **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated, and please check out my other fics!**


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